Movie review: FIREWALL

By Joe Yang

In 1992 there was a film called Patriot Games in which Harrison Ford played a guy named Jack who frowns a lot and has to save his family from a smart villain with blond hair. Fourteen years later, Harrison Ford plays a guy named Jack who frowns a lot and has to save his family from a smart villain with blond hair. Sound familiar?

In Air Force One- I mean Firewall- Jack Stanfield (Harrison Ford) is the brilliant VP of computer security for a big-name bank. Along with a huge house in Seattle, he has a devoted wife, Beth (Virginia Madsen) two annoying kids, and a dog so shaggy one would not be able to tell which way it's facing if not for its tail. Highly respected for having designed an impenetrable security program that runs on Windows XP, we learn of Jack's commitment to protecting his clients' precious accounts, not to mention his serious anti-hacker skills. But little by little, trouble creeps into Jack's near-perfect life. His bank is going through a difficult merger, he gets off on the wrong foot with the other company's head honcho played by Robert Patrick (Terminator 2, Die Hard 2), and he finds himself the victim of identity theft when a collections agent claims he's racked up some ridiculous gambling debts. Things really start to go downhill when Jack's family is taken hostage by a group of skinny bad guys led by an evil Englishman named Bill Cox (Paul Bettany). Bill forces Jack to outsmart the very security system he created and find a way to steal $100 million for the baddies or else his family and dog will be shot. And not even Dell's award-winning tech support could help you out of that mess.

Although the film tries desperately to bring Harrison Ford back into the action arena, it recreates a storyline that Ford has gone through several times before. Once again we see him sport that trademark grumpy/concerned/scared expression, he dons a suit that will get ruined by movie's end, and in the midst of the obligatory fist fight he gets that same nasty cut either above his right eye or lower lip. There are a few interesting and unexpected events, but for the most part this is a by-the-numbers plot that chugs along predictably as previous Harrison Ford action movies have. And it's too bad that good supporting actors Mary Lynn Rajskub (24, Punch Drunk Love), Robert Forster (Jackie Brown), and Alan Arkin (Four Days in September, Gattaca) aren't given more to do as their presence could have added a bit more depth to the plot.

Another issue I have with the movie is the title itself. As a part time I.T. guy, this may be nitpicking a bit, but firewalls are generally designed to keep things like hackers and viruses in the outside world from getting into a network. Seeing that much of the story involves a bank's security being compromised by someone from inside the bank itself, the use of a firewall as a major story element is nonexistent. Therefore calling this movie Firewall is like making a Spiderman movie that focuses entirely on Captain America. Maybe much of the public won't care or notice when it comes to Firewall, but if any sort of technical terminology is to be used in a movie, making the effort to at least get it right will never work against the filmmakers.
The villains in this movie, despite competent acting performances, are simply miscast. Paul Bettany is just too darn nice to be a believable baddie. Sure, he wields a pistol and makes a few threats. He's fun to watch and is charismatic enough, but his clean-shaven looks, good manners and nice suits somehow make him about as menacing as a Macy's customer service rep. Previous Harrison Ford nemeses were downright scary. The IRA militant played by Sean Bean (Patriot Games), the crazy Russian played by Gary Oldman (Air Force One), the conniving doctor played by Jeroen Krabbe (The Fugitive), and Jabba the Hutt were all folks whom you did not want to cross. They made you believe that they were capable of serious damage. But in Firewall we can't even count on the peripheral villains. In the 80s Harrison Ford single handedly took on a truck full of Nazis and squads of Imperial Stormtroopers. And less than twenty years later we're supposed to believe that the fate of one the greatest names in action movies is at the mercy of a couple of guys who look like they stepped out of the local Starbucks.

Ford proves he's still got it when it comes to rough-and-tumble action. But overall, this movie unfortunately falls into the carbon freeze chamber of recent Harrison Ford disappointments.

2 out of 4 stars

Firewall
Directed by Richard Loncraine
Written by Joe Forte
Starring Harrison Ford, Paul Bettany, Virginia Madsen, Mary Lynn Rajskub, Alan Arkin, Robert Patrick, Robert Forster

Rated PG-13 for violence, language, Windows XP, and stuff getting wrecked in an old barn

Movie review: WHEN A STRANGER CALLS

WHEN A STRANGER CALLS

REVIEW by Joe Yang

When it comes to delivering scares,WHEN A STRANGER CALLS is about as effective as the UN during a major humanitarian crisis. Director Simon West (CON AIR, TOMB RAIDER) doesn't do much by way of creating suspense other than making some sudden noises and playing the what's-beyond-the-dark-corner/doorway trick, which becomes tedious in a hurry. And then there are the phone calls. What's meant to create tension and dread simply becomes irritating. The phone just rings again, and again, and AGAIN. Most people would be incredibly fed up if they were interrupted by phone calls every 5 minutes, yet protagonist and uber-hottie Jill Johnson (played by Camilla Belle) consistently and patiently picks up the receiver every time after fielding more calls than Donald Rumsfeld on a Monday morning.

Anyway, the story of WHEN A STRANGER CALLS is pretty straightforward. Soon after the opening credits, following a brief introduction of the villain's messy killing habits, we meet the lovely Jill. Like most teenagers, she's a midriff-baring track star, a good student, and a pretty good artist too. Oh, and she just happens to be hotter than most magazine cover girls. Like I said, a typical teen. Right. Whatever. She also has two cute midriff-baring friends who appear to be from planet WB, and of course, there's the ex-boyfriend Bobby (Brian Geraghty, who I guess is supposed to be cute too) for whom she still has feelings. Life is tough for Jill. She's steamed at one of her friends for kissing Bobby, steamed at Bobby for allowing himself to be kissed by her friend, and to top it all off she's been grounded by her dad (Clark Gregg) for using 800 excess minutes on her cell phone. As punishment for this heinous deed, she is forbidden from going out or using the phone for an entire month. I'd hate to see what would happen if she'd flushed a cherry bomb down a toilet or gave someone a wedgie, but alas dear reader, this movie is only rated PG-13. As a "lesson in responsibility," Jill's dad makes her baby-sit for Mr. and Mrs. Mandrakis (Derek de Lint and Kate Jennings Grant, respectively), a well-to-do couple. After Jill shows up to the Mandrakis residence wearing a tight orange top, Mrs. Mandrakis immediately gives her a tour of the place. During said tour, Jill and the audience are pleasantly introduced to the enormous house, complete with big scary spaces, dark hallways, a murky lagoon, and a faulty alarm system. Gee, I wonder what's going to happen in the next hour? We also learn that the Mandrakis' have two small children (who probably wear the same shirt size as Jill) who are recovering from the flu and will therefore be sleeping in their room throughout most of the movie- I mean, evening. Their room, as one might guess, is conveniently located in a spooky part of the house where no one in their right mind would want to go after dark. We then meet Chester the cat. And it's strange how cats in horror movies have a tendency to knock stuff over and make more noise than a drunken hippo in a glassware shop. Finally, the Mandrakis' are also kind enough to employ Rosa (Rosine Hatem), a cheerful housekeeper whose sole purpose is to turn up dead at some point in the near future.

As night falls and the scary music ramps up, the house begins looking more and more ominous. Then come the deluge of phone calls. At first they are innocuous: the Madrakis' checking in, a goofy prank call, then friends via cell phone who are at a place where the bad reception produces annoying crackling noises that sound like a Geiger counter going off in Iran. Wasn't Jill forbidden from using the phone? But wait! This movie is PG-13 so she's allowed to get around those things! The incessant phone ringing becomes only slightly more interesting by one caller (voiced by Lance Henriksen) who is unknown to Jill. He doesn't say much- instead, most of the time he just breathes then hangs up. I don’t understand why Lance Henriksen was cast as the caller. Did the casting director suggest at one point: "Hey, remember the android from Aliens? Man, that guy could really breathe!" And as luck would have it I guess Henriksen out-breathed everyone else during the casting sessions. The breathing is enough to give Jill the willies, and without giving too much away, things start going "bump" in the night and Jill decides to investigate these strange noises BY HERSELF. Then at one point she eats a red popsicle in a mildly suggestive manner. In a later scene we see the thing melt, subsequently staining a white napkin and creating a rather graphic visual analogy of female adolescence. Justifiable in the context of the story? Barely. Absolutely necessary? NO. Does it make me feel dirty for having noticed it? I'll get back to you on that after I wash my hands. Back to the review- There are red herrings aplenty, since it wouldn't make sense for the killer to pop out too early. And as the promos for the film clearly stated, Jill soon discovers that the threatening caller is making calls from within the house. The terrors mount, and as the laws of horror movies dictate, our lovely tight-shirted protagonist trips and falls while running away and manages to get as wet as a PG-13 movie will allow. I knew that lagoon was there for a reason!

The only things WASC has going for it is the absence of gratuitous gore and hard profanity, as it would have only bogged down an already tedious storyline.

If you don't remember the original version of WHEN A STRANGER CALLS back in 1979, you are most likely familiar with the popular urban legend from the 1960's on which it is based: a babysitter encountering a killer who's making calls to her from inside the same house, blah blah blah. In case you were wondering, the legend has been debunked and you can read about it here: http://www.snopes.com/horrors/madmen/babysit.htm

However, a debunked urban legend is the least of this movie's problems. Simon West provides virtually no background for any of the characters. Most of the time, Jill's friends are standing around reciting lines written by grown-ups who think they understand teens. They seem to exist only to remind you that this movie is about mildly frustrated teenagers who are, like, totally bummed out about stuff. Especially weak is the lack of any kind of relationship between Jill and the children she is supposedly looking after, as they all literally do not meet until the movie's climax. Because of this, they come across as a bunch of screaming kids whom we desperately want to slap. Being the good girl, Jill opts to protect them but her decision to do this creates little emotional connection with the viewer. I'm not sure I'd have been shocked if Jill decided to escape and save her own butt, leaving the brats to run aimlessly about their big house shrieking as though someone erased their Barney tapes. Weakest of all characters is the unscary killer himself (Tommy Flanagan), whose inexplicable presence in the home only becomes more baffling as his razor thin motive is tacked on at the story's conclusion. How did he find the house? How did he get inside? How did he know Jill would be there? Was he able to go to the bathroom? If so, how did he do it without ever getting caught? Or is that what the lagoon was really for? Further compounding the movie's problems is the importance of the telephone as a horror device. Yeah yeah…I know the original WASC came out before Wes Craven's SCREAM. But it is Craven's film that now defines the murderous phone caller in horror cinema. In that department, Craven set a bar that has yet to be topped.

To be blunt, there was no reason to remake WASC. Although I never saw Fred Walton's 1979 original, it's based on a debunked urban legend that made use of horror movie devices that have since become either outdated, overused, or both. Simon West's updated version carries those flaws into the 21st Century, creating a movie too forgettable and bland to be enjoyed even while intoxicated.

.5 out of 4 Stars

When a Stranger Calls
Directed by Simon West
Screenplay by Jake Wade Wall
Based on the original screenplay by Steve Feke and Fred Walton
Starring Camilla Belle, Tommy Flanagan, Lance Henriksen (voice)
A picture by Screen Gems, Inc. and Davidson Entertainment

Rated PG-13 for some language, suspense, violence, tight shirts, and some pretty awful acting.